Our lives are a timeline scattered with before and afters. Before you were born, and after you were born. Before you became a mother or father, and after your children are born. We remember life before we were married and life after the wedding and honeymoon. Soldiers talk about life before the war, and then in another way after the war. We lived one way before salvation and another after Jesus. There is one before right after another followed at varying distances of time by an after. There is always before and after.
My before and after happened early. Before I turned twelve I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor. I kept the assault a secret for over forty years. In those decades, a veil of shame clouded my vision. I felt unlovable, unwanted and invisible. For most of my life I believed God said He loved me but I was sure that could not be. Not me. I was shameful.
Shame and lies led me to shameful decisions and an eagerness to find love led me to do even more shameful things.
That was before God rescued me from the pit of despair.
The moment I shared the secret for the first time, I was free. Before I revealed the secret I lived in a prison of shame. After, for the first time, I was free.
The healing took time and there were many times I felt like giving up. It was easier to do what was familiar. But God was relentless.
Do you have a secret of abuse, or addiction, or abortion, or anything you feel shame about? Do you live in a prison of shame, feeling unlovable, unworthy and invisible.
You are not alone. You are lovable. You are worthy of love and He sees you. Healing is possible.
I know I'm not alone as well. I know there are women reading this who have painful secrets and I want to share with you how I found healing, give you some encouragement, and offer some resources. Your path may be different but freedom is near.
Thank you again for stopping by my blog.